Higher

acrylics on canvas
90 x 90 cm

sold / 550 € (incl. VAT 10%)

*

I imagine myself
as a bird.

across the rain
splitting the clouds
raindrops on my feathers

the higher I am
the quieter are the sounds.

the wind brightens in me:
this high
there’s always light.

the longer I’m here
the deeper this silence settles in me

nesting on my fingertips,
resting in the curves of my mind,
a slow stream
around my heart.

I imagine myself
to be free.

splitting the noise,
through all clamor
strands of light
on my feathers.

// kaisa vanhala

*

The quiet whisper of water on the rocks of the shore.
Wind on the aspens.
The rattle of sand under my shoes.
The sound of his breathing in the twilight hours.
Rain on my roof.

Silence has so many sounds, all of them equally lovely.

I’ve lately noticed myself longing for more and more silence. I used to think I need movement, activity, change and challenge; now I need slowness, steadiness. Silent clearings in the woods, drowsy twilight evenings. I long for things to fall silent, to pause and stop - for my thoughts to pause and curl up in rest. It seems that only in silence I somehow hear what I am thinking - things become more true when I listen to them in silence.

This painting was born in these first autumn weeks. Returning to work I realised I need to first teach myself to be silent again. Summer is always full of sounds, full of noise, full of activity and heat. I love the wild circus of being a mom to three little ones, but - it gets a bit noisy sometimes, and I can lose all my silence. Like this beautiful chaos would erode something in me, something I stand on - and I need to regain that ground.

After heat I miss the autumn rain. After noise I miss the silent sun in the woods. I want to hear the rain on the leaves, the wind in the treetops. I want to be silent, and silence pools into me; into puddles, streams, rivers, seas. I need to fill up first in order to flow again.

The world often is full of sounds, full of noise. Some of the voices can be straining, eroding - the clamor of expectations and requirements sometimes too much to bear. (Here I’m thinking of the world outside of us, the voices from our surroundings, media, the culture; things we hardly control). Sometimes you need to simply escape them; rise higher, high enough to burst through the clouds to where there’s only sun and silence.

This painting is part of my journey to that silence; leaving the noise of my mind behind, waiting for the light to reach me.


***

(Please note: the blue and green tones seem to be the most difficult for a camera to understand. The main colours of this painting in real life are intense, deep sea-greens and sea-blues; think of jade greens, dark turquoises. In the photos the painting is bluer than in real life, and it also misses some of its depth.)